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Zodiac Signs

Friday The 13th: Which Monster Lives In Each Zodiac Sign


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Today our Magic ball tells what kind of monster is hiding inside each of us. And by the way: since our ball is real, the monsters will also not be mythical, but very real. Boo!

Capricorn

Standard maniac. He does not disdain anything: moral violence, torture, blackmail – all for your good, by the way: Capricorns cannot stand discord and vacillation in the ranks of family and friends, so it is better not to enroll in family and friends if you are not ready to keep your back straight and wear hat, run faster than anyone else up the career ladder with two broken legs, and even in a dark room under a blanket, don’t pick your nose with your finger. And then Capricorn will come and put him on his knees on buckwheat!

Aquarius

A ruthless ghoul, completely devoid of any humanity. Aquarius doesn’t care about you. So that you understand exactly how much Aquarius doesn’t care about you, you can write on your Facebook (The social network is recognized as extremist and banned on the territory of the Russian Federation) that you are sick with a coronavirus, and count comments in the spirit of “Gee-gee-gee!”. That’s how many of them there will be – how many Aquarians you have in your friends. But it’s convenient!

Pisces

Vengeful stalker. Fish are very calm and serene, and even a suspicious dog will not be able to suspect their nature as a monster. But beware! To get acquainted with the inner Fish monster, you don’t even have to do something nasty to her on purpose. It is enough to completely accidentally crush its tail fin. After that, walk around looking around: no one knows how many decades later a smiling shark’s mouth will appear from the dark waters and bite off your legs right up to your head. Suddenly.

Aries

An unbalanced psychopath: any careless movement – and Aries explodes, splashing everyone around with the unappetizing contents of his metaphysical carcass. And let no one be embarrassed by the fact that Aries, as a rule, are distinguished by a fragile and graceful build – and from where it would seem, there is so much of the same in such a small lamb: it will splash so that you will choke on the spot. Someday, probably, a brilliant psychotherapist will be born, able to curb the anger of Aries, but until this happens, our magic ball will not remain without work.

Taurus

Level 80 egoist: everything that is done around Taurus should be done solely for the sake of appeasing the insatiable darling of Taurus, otherwise she does not play. The feelings and desires of others, of course, are not taken into account, but you know why? Because those around Taurus are divided into two camps: unpleasant strangers and personal Taurus property. Hey, property! Get this unpleasant thing out of here and bring some tea!


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Gemini

A two-faced liar. Gemini lies with inspiration and is so talented that no one would ever catch them in a lie if they were limited to this. But no! The Gemini lie out of love for art, but they are hypocritical and two-faced – at the call of their multifaceted nature. And, of course, the most monstrous in their inner monster is that it is impossible to catch them in hypocrisy and duplicity because they will immediately lie about something convincing.

Cancer

Boring saint. Cancers try never to do anything bad to anyone. Because Cancers know how to make sure that we all do to ourselves everything bad that our imagination is capable of, and Cancer won’t stain even the tip of its claw. Because he is the most unfortunate martyr in the world. An innocent victim of our indifference. A saint who humbly tolerates all these ungrateful scoundrels. We don’t appreciate him. We do not save. He is everything to us, and we are! Do you already feel bad and want to engage in self-flagellation from the bottom of your heart? Uh, wait, Cancer just started. It will get worse. Then you will grow horns and hooves. And a guilt complex as tall as Everest.

Leo

Militant fool. Leos, as we know, are beautiful-hearted, noble, strong, and courageous, and against the background of these wonderful qualities, it is somehow even awkward to call the exorbitantly inflated Leo’s conceit a dark trait. We won’t, because there is nothing so directly terrible in this conceit, no matter what the kitty enjoys, as they say, as long as she doesn’t shit in her slippers. But we still have to warn you about the slippers: Leo does this not out of malice, but because of his cosmic stupidity. Alas. Of course, there are plenty of fools among other signs, but if Leo is stupid, rest assured: he will take second place in the competition of cretins. Why the second? Yes, because he’s a cretin!

Virgo

Thinking snob. All signs have traits as traits, and Virgo has a mortal sin: pride of the 80th level. Virgo is not just sure that everyone around them is a fool and is not being treated, Virgo is sure that no one needs to be treated at all: let evolution do its job! Many signs think something like this to themselves, but only Virgo holds a cup of tea, sticks out her little finger, and just like that, publicly, says it directly in words directly through her mouth. Monstrous!

Libra

A contagious pessimist. If at a stormy party, you left to powder your nose and returned to the radioactive desert, where it is quiet and only the dead with braids stand, you should know: it was Libra who came and brought news. Everything is Very Bad! And, characteristically, it will only get worse. We strongly suspect that the global shortage of toilet paper against the background of the coronavirus (here’s the connection?!) is not caused by the coronavirus at all but by Libra. Because Libra’s pessimism is more contagious than the coronavirus, yes.

Scorpio

A brilliant manipulator. The scorpion is terrible all over – from the tips of the chelicerae to the murderous tail, but the most terrible feature is its uncontrollable thirst to manipulate others. Here, let’s say, Virgo got this thirst – and nothing would have happened: commanding a parade of marching cockroaches in your head is completely safe for others. But Scorpio is a real puppeteer. And since Scorpions are also incredibly smart, devilishly cunning, and unsurpassedly insidious, a simple human desire to control someone weaker turns into tyranny in the performance of Scorpio. A real one, with blackjack and heads on stakes that sit there completely on their own.

Sagittarius

Powerful king. One part of the Sagittarius nature dreams of unlimited power, and the other is completely sure that it is lazy and unworthy to achieve this power. But the inner monster demands! Therefore, Sagittarius forms a list of loyal subjects according to the principle “Who will endure me”, and then arranges tyranny in his kingdom with cuffs and moral torture, because some unfinished subjects were caught. Why would that be, right?

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