Our Magic Ball today tells who the main zodiac sorceress is. Maybe it’s you?
12th place – Virgo
Official statement from our Magic Ball: Virgos do not have any magical abilities. Zero. Zero. And even if you try to forcibly immerse Virgo into the metaphysical basis of existence, she will immediately emerge, like you know what. He will say that all this is obscurantism, fraud, and harmful pseudoscience. True, all other signs regularly turn to Virgos with the request “What happened, what will happen, how will my heart calm down, and where is my king of spades with such a mustache?”, and Virgo regularly predicts and is clairvoyant. But he always emphasizes that if everyone took off their eyes and started using their heads for their intended purpose, and not to eat into it, then there would be only telepaths around. In general, Virgos have no equal in the art of pulling an owl onto a globe. In the sense that Virgos firmly believe that they saw it all with their overworked brains. Haha.
11th place – Taurus
Honorable second place from the end goes to Taurus – people who not only have not developed the rudiments of a magical gift but not a single quality of their character can be attracted to a mystical gift. Taurus has neither a highly developed sense of smell, nor incredible insight, nor the ability to seduce anyone with one raised eyebrow, nor the rare luck that accompanies all crazy endeavors. In short, they have nothing except the ability to stand firmly on the ground and do what they must do well. Which, let’s not point fingers, also seems like magic to some, but no: only perseverance, work, and a reinforced concrete seat. And the fact that Taurus can send their requests for life’s goods directly to the heavenly office, bypassing intermediaries, and receive everything ordered even a little faster than from Aliexpress, is not magic at all. Not magic, they tell you! It was said – there is no gift! Get out, parasites.
10th place – Capricorn
Tenth place goes to Capricorns only because Virgo alone promised our Magic Ball a full package of sanctions and a drum around her neck if she doesn’t get the last place. That’s why Capricorns crow on the tenth, but it doesn’t matter to them: as they say, no matter how much you repeat “halva,” your mouth won’t get any sweeter, and the sum of the terms doesn’t change when you change places, and magical abilities don’t emerge through the third eye. Capricorns have no magical abilities. True, we also have no empirical confirmation of this thesis: as soon as we were about to catch at least one Capricorn to experimentally test whether he was capable of magic, they all mystically disappeared from the visible present along with their physical shells – as, however, they always do when they are going to be pestered with nonsense. Our Magic Ball hints with all its might that there is some kind of magic in this, but of course, we don’t believe it. Capricorns? Yes, this cannot be!
9th place – Leo
Leos have a somewhat tense relationship with the subtle world: Leos are sincerely convinced that dividing the world into thin and thick is not a royal matter, let them figure it out themselves. Moreover, both worlds still owe Leo various good things in life, for the simple reason that he is Leo. Logically, the Dear Universe in response shows Leo a big mystical fig (which Leo, however, still does not notice, since sees the point that “this is not a royal matter”). Of all the magical abilities, Leos only got the gift of confusing those around them, and even then only about their person: for some reason, everyone thinks that Leos is incredibly cool, even if Leo finishes the last Doshirak without salt.
8th place – Sagittarius
Sagittarians have only one magical ability – the gift of foresight. The aphedron sense always informs Sagittarius in time that it will soon become a little hot here, and therefore Sagittarius always manages to remove both the sense and the organ that gave birth to it from the site of the upcoming mini-apocalypse. This is confirmed by classical astrology. Our Magic Ball claims that Sagittarians have no trace of any sense of smell, but they have the gift of personally creating trouble on their apron. That is, there would be no Sagittarius in observable space, and there would be no need to predict anything because there would be no troubles. Logical, right?
7th place – Aries
Dear Universe, as you know, loves to joke, although, as a rule, in the mode “Itself joked – it laughed at itself.” That is why it often showers the latest model microscopes on comrades who have decided to devote the rest of their lives to thoughtfully hammering nails with the first object that comes to hand. This is roughly the situation with Aries: they were given a magical gift like three Scorpios, but it was considered unnecessary to report this. Aries themselves, naturally, have no time to think about all sorts of nonsense and thoughtfully pick out their metaphysical guts: they need to do business, and that’s not all! The fact that every matter in the hardworking hooves of Aries is argued, assistants and mentors themselves come and give everything, and enemies and competitors are annihilated even on the distant approaches to the mighty Sheep nature, Aries take for granted. Like your own achievements, accomplished thanks to your penetrating power, powerful mind, and diplomatic talent (Shar, stop laughing, it’s indecent!).
6th place – Libra
An honorable central place in the horoscope of born sorceresses goes to Libra – people gifted with all magical abilities, but each with half a pencil. For example, love magic: Libra can bewitch anyone to anyone, but only for a period while Libra themselves are next to the newly formed couple. In the morning, those bewitched, as a rule, look at each other with the silent question “What are you?”, after which they run away forever, but was there a love spell? Was! Does that mean you have the ability? Available. Well, don’t whistle then, otherwise, you’ll see!
5th place – Aquarius
The top five opens with Aquarians – people who, in theory, are capable of very terrible witchcraft, but in practice do not want to put the slightest effort into magical practices, but want wine, chocolate, and a dress. For which, however, all other signs should give Aquarius gratitude, including a bonus in their file. Since not a single sign has a sufficiently developed imagination to imagine what chthonic abysses Aquarius could conjure up skillfully. Ha! Yes, their rivers would flow back! They would have the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse delivering pizza! With them, Galya would not only cancel purchases at the checkout, she would stop time exactly at 22:59 until all the blue walkers thirsty for aquavits have finished their purchases! We truly tell you: the last times would have come if Aquarians had given themselves the trouble to learn at least a little magic.
4th place – Gemini
The Geminis, people imbued with the gift of witchcraft right up to the Sahasrar, fell just short of the prize place. In line with this Sahasrara, gifted subpersonalities such as the Healer, the Battle Mage, the Witch, the Succubus, and the Bald Devil are always jostling with their elbows (this is not a figure of speech if anything), but they are rarely allowed to get involved, because what’s the point of them, one might ask? They will conjure a spell, and then the Twins will clean up, although they have just finished cleaning up after the Unhappy Intellectual and the Abnormal Psycho (who let them out again, huh?). In general, Geminis don’t use their gift, and if they do, it’s only for the benefit of themselves and their loved ones, without, you know, all this magical charity. Well, perhaps out of great friendship they will read the thoughts of your ex and the new woman will hang him inferno on her tail, but more than that – no, no!
3rd place – Cancer
The top three open with Cancers – people capable of any kind of magic, if you put the right tool in their claw: Tarot cards and fortune-telling cards, witches’ tomes, enchanted candles made from the fat of innocently killed paraffin, frames for searching for evil spirits and radioactive waste, magic balls, crystal pyramids, magic wands… In general, whatever you give to a Cancer, everything will work in their hands, even a shovel: a shovel in the hands of a Cancer can turn a bare 6 acres near Moscow into a blooming garden, and can turn a drunkard away from alcohol with a lifetime guarantee, by the way. In general, beware of Cancers who have something clutched in their raking claws, even if it is a ladle. They may pour a love potion from it into your plate. Well, or a coup: you will become a little goat.
2nd place – Scorpio
Second place goes to Scorpios – people created from four components: chitin, poison, sarcasm, and magic. Scorpios can do everything – foresee, bewitch, curse, and negotiate with various entities (okay, okay, non-believing Thomases: they know how to do it with those that inhabit Gemini). But the main magical talent of Scorpios is, of course, the talent of puppeteers: the whole world for them, as one smart person said, is a theater, and people, accordingly, are puppets in it. Evil tongues say (until they cut it off) that the point here is not magic at all, but a subtle knowledge of human nature, multiplied by the natural badness of character, but our Magic Ball objects: some more will be cursed, then instead of horoscopes you will show only “Gangster Petersburg”.
1st place – Pisces
Ta-damm! The honorable first place, medal, and dried head of a shaman around the neck goes to Pisces – the main zodiac sorceress. Pisces have abilities for any kind of magic, and all these abilities are beyond: it is easier for Pisces to read other people’s thoughts than for you – our article about manicures; predicting the future is easier than predicting the arrival time of a taxi by looking at an app; brewing witchcraft potions is not a problem at all. It’s harder for fish again not to turn borscht into a love potion; Fish generally curse with one look, and in such a way that your great-grandchildren will also remove the scab from their bald head. In general, Pisces has no equal in this occultism of yours. In connection with this newfound knowledge, we categorically do not recommend asking Pisces questions like “If you are so smart, why are you such a sufferer?” Cursed!