How Zodiac Signs Behave At Parties

In every girl, after the third mojito, she wakes up: a real femme fatale. And today our magic ball told us what fateful woman will awaken in you!

Capricorn

Capricorn turns on the “Dominate and Humiliate” mode: that is, it releases its very deeply hidden essence and turns into Scorpio. The only difference is that Scorpios are always like this, and Capricorn is like this on major holidays and therefore wants to receive compensation for all the years spent aimlessly. Fortunately, alcohol solutions have a very short-term effect on the strong organism of Capricorn, so the doomwife with the metaphysical nine-tailed whip does not hatch for long. But this, you know, is enough. They say that some, after meeting Capricorn in femme fatale mode, adopted celibacy forever. Well, just in case.

Aquarius

Aquarius understands perfectly well that she is not a fatal woman, and therefore turns on the mode “Here I stand in front of you, a simple Russian woman…” And that’s right. Because by the time Aquarius reaches his condition, the drinking buddies will have already left behind the stage “up to the position of vestments”, and the stage “to the green devils” and will reach the stage “in drool”. That is, in essence, they will turn into one-year-old babies babbling strange things. Beware, treachery! Aquarius was waiting for exactly this moment – when the bearded child, who had fallen into childhood, wanted to be held in the arms of his grandmother. At this moment, a “simple Russian woman” will pull out all the soul from her victim by thread, wrap it around her finger, and then use it to her advantage. Because even after a canister of alcohol, Aquarius REMEMBERS EVERYTHING the next morning.

Pisces

Pisces know very well that they are real femme fatales, but they are very, very upset when no one notices this. And this is how it happens because, in the abyss of Fish’s eyes, it’s better to drown tete-a-tete: at parties, the Fishes are usually overshadowed by the brighter ones – “those fat cows, disgusting broken women, pomaded lumps, ugh, village!” – girls. So at first Rybka sulks in the corner. And then – it wasn’t! – downs a bottle of brut at once and goes out onto the dance floor. And if you think that she went there to dance, then you are deeply mistaken. She went to perform a pantomime one-woman show about her fateful fate. And pick your jaws. The owner of newspapers and steamships has already picked up the fish, by the way.

Aries

Aries goes to parties without any of these “second thoughts” about seducing these little ones. Aries goes out for a few drinks and a nice time in good company. The only problem is that Aries has a specific concept of “a little”: while all other signs are warming up for the upcoming alcoholic flirtation, Aries is already prepared and angry. Because what do they think they are?! She’s the main fatalist here! Give up, dirt, manure are floating! The dirt, interestingly, does not mind and generally tries to reflect as little as possible. Because when Aries catches the most attractive male in his dim sight and goes out for an assault, it’s better not to get in the way. It will hurt again. But if you don’t interfere, she will simply grab the victim by the tie (or something else protruding) and drag him away to her. And here you can exhale and finally start a normal party.

Taurus

Taurus knows for sure that a femme fatale is not her role, but the drinks in Taurus’ body think completely differently. Nothing else can explain the situation in which a seemingly sane young lady suddenly turns into the wife of Roger Rabbit. That is, he naturally begins to move smoothly and gracefully, tousle his luxurious hair with his fingers, languidly flutter his eyelashes, bite his plump lower lip, whisper vulgarities in a sexy velvety voice and make “hell!” with his foot. And the gentlemen vied with each other to serve her cocktails, give her a light, gallantly kiss her fingers, wipe off the butts of her rivals, and applaud, applaud (well, those who have not yet fallen under the table and are not drooling in a paroxysm of unbearable lust). And the spotlights shine on all this action. And you know, the spotlights shine sometimes. In the sense that the lights are already turned on in the establishment,

Gemini

Infernal Petrosyan. The twins honestly control themselves for almost the entire evening, but closer to the end they realize that they no longer have the strength to look at these ridiculous antics, at these disgustingly vulgar mating dances of baboons who have seized the aquavita. Ugh, be like that! It is better to monitor this moment and evacuate in advance. Because if Gemini does turn on the femme fatale mode, catharsis is guaranteed for everyone present. Because Gemini temptresses start making jokes. Not just on the verge of a foul, but somewhere beyond: if the Twins propose that everyone get up and go to the cemetery together and dig up the birthday boy’s grandmother because without her the holiday is not a holiday, consider this an innocent joke. Warm-up for the little ones. But, interestingly, everyone likes it – except the ladies present. These first demand their smelling salts, and then they dream of pulling out Gemini’s problems. Because the first handsome Kolyan, for example, has already run to the garage for a shovel and a passport. So that, therefore, the grandmother could still be dug up for the glory of Gemini, and then solemnly married. Not on grandma, as you understand.

Cancer

Cancer wants to be a femme fatale, but she doesn’t know how to do it in practice. But Cancers are the most familiar with the theory: if you put in a pile and set fire to all the romance novels that Cancer has managed to read in her entire life, you can heat half of Greenland for six months. So Cancer uses a proven theoretical method: to become a femme fatale, you need to be very mysterious. Very. Therefore, Cancer hides in a dark corner and from there glares at every fit male with a languid gaze. Males who start to itch their lower backs as a result of this usually turn around, and then Cancer raises an expressive eyebrow. These are, in fact, all the femme fatale techniques that Cancer has in his arsenal. She doesn’t know what to do next, so she prefers to remain meaningfully silent and smile out of the corner of her lips. And, oddly enough, it works. Well,

Leo

The main queen of any party. The lioness is a femme fatale herself, always, even in line for potatoes, and, what’s important, she knows this very well. But what others don’t know (but we know) is that when drunk, Lionesses become extremely kind and humane. So, ladies, there is no need to sit in the corners and pout! The Lioness will not just allow you to seduce someone: a drunk Lioness will generously refuse to flirt with the local Johnny Depps, Mr. Universe, and even the Rockefellers. B – generosity! Take apart the status males, and the Lioness will go and charm the main loser: if someone sits on the edge of the sofa all evening and is embarrassed to sneeze, don’t go to the fortune teller; at the end of the evening, the Lioness will decide to honor the unfortunate person with her royal attention. And then everyone will understand that she is the femme fatale here.

Virgo

Be careful, dangerous moment! The well-groomed Virgo always grows Cheburashka’s metaphorical ears, which she is ready to turn towards anyone. Go to mommy, tell her all your troubles! Mommy will pat you on the head, tell you that you are good boys, give you wise advice, and maybe even press you to her lush chest. There are usually so many people who want to receive their dose of maternal warmth and free psychotherapy for the little ones that even the Lionesses begin to hiss through their teeth: “And what did they all find in her?!” Meanwhile, the Virgin wraps her victims in eight infernal tentacles and begins to eat. And while the victim is in agony, parting with the remnants of his tasty, fatty, sweet brain, more and more new adherents are queuing up to want something strange. And the choir bangs their mugs on the tables and howls deep in their throats: “Oh, fateful night! Oh, fateful night! That is, no, of course, but the atmosphere as a whole is deathly.

Libra

Crazy Empress. All the other signs play femme fatale, but Libra sincerely and uncloudedly allows the inner femme fatale to break out and have a good time: dance at the bar, sing the main hits of the 80s, passionately kiss the waiter, someone else’s husband, the stray gay, and the fatal Scorpio. At the same time, those around you look at this bacchanalia with such tender faces, as if they were being shown a sleeping cat. Because Libra’s pure, sincere, genuine delight is transmitted to everyone around them. So at the end of the evening, these same people around, having carefully swaddled Libra in a tablecloth and laid him on the sofa, began to sing in a low voice: “Oh, what a woman, what a woman…” And shed a stingy man’s tear.

Scorpio

No one doubts that Scorpio is the most fatal woman in the horoscope – simply in life, and not just at parties. So, the most savvy party-goers, before inviting Scorpio, order silver armor for their chests to prevent her from tearing out a man’s hot heart, and some even make a tin foil hat to protect them from her infernal spells. And completely in vain! Because Scorpio, when drunk, decides… I mean, he doesn’t decide anything. Scorpio, when drunk, turns into a nymphet. “I’m a little girl, I don’t go to school, buy me sandals, I’m getting married!” Of course, this mi-mi-si-si-su has a worse effect on men than a sudden striptease session in front of a demobilization company. Scorpion! Herself! Begs to be held! Hallelujah! Oh, sweet baby… The fact that Scorpios are not lizards and never cast off their tail with a stinger, but they are always ready to hunt, for some reason disappears from the consciousness of potential victims. But if they had studied zoology, maybe they would have survived!

Sagittarius

Sagittarius likes to be a femme fatale and the star of the party, but she can never decide what she likes most: being sarcastic like Capricorn, pinching men’s butts like Aries, sighing languidly like Taurus, or dissecting victims like Virgo. Or maybe dance on the counter and show the loser a piece of a beautiful white shoulder? Oh, everything is so delicious! In general, by the time Sagittarius’s nature takes over, the brains of potential victims are already boiling (and not only brains, let’s be honest). So when Sagittarius finally turns into a “purely likable guy, in kind!”, the seduced ones are already standing in line with passports in their teeth and wedding rings in beautiful boxes, because they don’t know how else to trick Sagittarius into sex. And Sagittarius leaves the party at this very moment. Because you are boring!