How Zodiac Signs Behave On A First Date

Capricorn

Capricorn comes to a date as if it were a business meeting. Not in the sense that in a strict suit and with a list of achievements in her teeth, but in the sense that with a clearly defined and understandable goal: Capricorn came for a spark. Just so that something immediately flares up between you – and the goat rushes across the hippodrome. Everything else doesn’t matter – if there is a spark, Capricorn herself will arrange the ideal date: fun, romantic, moderately frank, and with the exact promise of a pleasant continuation. And if not, it’s better not to insist. You will be healthier.

Aquarius

Aquarius arrives on a date in a girly-girl mental costume: arrives early, but gracefully arrives exactly 5 minutes late; dresses up in a feminine, but not too sexy way; smiles from the corner of his lips and is mysteriously silent, allowing himself to be entertained. If the candidate is found worthy, he will show up for the next date wearing combat boots, camouflage pants, and a hangover. Whoever doesn’t run away at this moment will have a fascinating trip to the hottest bars and a close acquaintance with the city’s legendary Gopnik. Whoever survives after this has nothing to count on. Bye. Aquarius is just warming up.

Pisces

The fish freezes and goes into suspended animation. From the outside, it looks as if she is listening carefully and even inserts witty and subtle remarks on the matter. In fact, on a date only the mortal shell of Pisces is present. Her rich inner world at this moment probably flows into the metaphysical guts of a man and steals something valuable from there. After which the unfortunate man will follow Rybka until the end of his days, without understanding why. Well, if there is nothing valuable in the giblets, the Fish will simply bite everything there. And he will quit, yes.

Aries

Aries comes on a date to conquer. Gambling and assertive. Just don’t expect her to show up on a date with a club, hit the gentleman on the head, grab him by the scalp, and drag him into a cave, growling in his gut. That is, she can do this too, but only with those who want it. And whoever wants to be conquered with tenderness and affection will also get what he deserves. The main thing is not to resist. It’s not even that resistance is useless. The fact is that she still has a metaphorical club in store. Well, just in case.

Taurus

Taurus wants the classics. To have a restaurant, flowers, gifts, and a beautiful courtship. To have a reason to walk around with a beautiful new handbag and lipstick. So that everything is beautiful, cozy, tasty, full and drunk. We recommend that you take care of the “drunk” thing. After the third glass, Taurus goes into the Egegei and wants to speak for life, for literature, geopolitics, and music. You need to be patient with this, then feed him delicious food again, and then you can start getting ready for sex. Because Taurus is already feeling good, and good things shouldn’t end so quickly! Let’s go to the rooms!

Gemini

Geminis come on dates not for the sake of the date itself, but to have someone with whom to have long intellectual conversations – everything else interests her little: You can take Geminis on a date to the nearest park, taking with you a bottle of the legendary Three Axes port wine, and she will not be upset at all. Even if you are poor, you have a chance. If at the same time, of course, you are also a Nietzschebrod. But looking at Gemini as a sexual object is categorically not recommended: she bites through any man right away and sees right through him. And for such an attitude towards yourself, you will humiliate yourself so much that for the rest of your life, you will look with lust only at a bottle of that same port wine.

Cancer

Cancer comes on a date, secretly wanting long and deep conversations about high things (but will never admit it). “High” actually masks a skillful interrogation: whether he was, was not a member, was not involved, how much property there is, and how much is hidden. If you simply answer honestly, you are guaranteed a wonderful evening with a beautiful, intelligent, and subtle woman. Continuation – only if the dossier triples it and you also know how to talk about high things. And wash the dishes. And raise children. And hammer in nails.

Leo

The lioness craves luxury. It is categorically not recommended to take her to some shabby bar – the Lioness will come in all her diamonds, and if there is no one to evaluate them, someone will get a paw on the back of the neck. Hurt. The second thing you need to know about a Lioness on a first date: she expects compliments and admiration for her royal persona. This is, in fact, all that is required. There is no need to seduce in any special way, she wants sex herself – you need to see her naked and admire her!

Virgo

Virgo comes on a date to talk to an intelligent person. During a conversation with an intelligent person, Virgo tends to get pretty drunk, grab the intelligent person by the organ of valor with an unwavering hand, take him to her, and use it there for its intended purpose. The main thing here is not to resist, because Virgos usually show interesting things, and in the morning you can talk again. But if a not-very-smart person somehow mysteriously ends up on a date with Virgo, he has nothing to count on. Virgo, of course, will still get drunk, but that’s all. Maximum – he will look at a man tenderly and affectionately, like a very beloved, but frankly weak-minded cat. You’re my little cretin, duckling!

Libra

Imagine that you are holding an elderly hamster on the verge of death in your palms – this is how you should behave on a date with Libra: super-gentle, extremely attentive, hyper-responsible. Libras tend to withdraw into themselves and come back tomorrow, so you shouldn’t take your eyes off her, and you shouldn’t let go of her bird’s paw from your mighty palm either. If Libra does fall into the inner Unicorn, the worst thing you can do is cry out: “Hey, McFly, is anyone home?!” It was she who went to make a decision. And, if it is positive, there will be fire. The crazy empress will take a sip of tequila and go dancing on the bar counter. And then she will marry you if you take her out of there and continue to treat her like an elderly hamster: you take her home, cover her with a blanket, kiss her on the nose, and go to sleep on a kitchen stool.

Scorpio

It’s better to come to a date with Scorpio in a construction helmet, an anti-plague suit, and a gas mask (a tin foil hat won’t hurt either). Because Scorpio recognizes only one way to conquer a partner – to conquer. They will use air bombing, chemical weapons, and barbaric traps, which were long ago banned in all civilized countries as inhumane weapons. That is, we want to say that giving up right away won’t work anyway – Scorpio will consider immediate capitulation offensive. So you need to hold the defense with all your might and pretend that the Russians are not giving up. Then Scorpio will be happy. And maybe after sex, he won’t even bite your head off.

Sagittarius

Sagittarians love everything unusual, so an invitation to a restaurant is a no-brainer. In the sense that only a restaurant is planned. No, no, we’re not talking about bed. Sagittarians are very positive about the idea of ​​sex on the first date, but only if she wants it. The problem is that the catalyst for triggering sexual desire in Sagittarius is not where all normal girls are, but where the bad dog wouldn’t stick its tail. I mean, somewhere where it is written: “Don’t get involved, he’ll kill you!” Or it’s not written, because there are no fools to go there anyway – except for Sagittarius, of course. And the one who wants to seduce her.