12th place – Gemini
This is a husband who, as it were, is, but at the same time, he is, as it were, not there. Moreover, it is not there exactly when it is needed, and when it is not needed – here it is all yours, dear. With all the accompanying joys such as card debt, a five-day binge, and a pregnant mistress. He got bored and came to eat. By the way, can you lend me some money? In general, you can endure this nightmare as a husband for only three reasons: 1) he is the god of sex; 2) he is unusually smart and enchantingly witty; 3) he is the god of sex. Yes, he is twice a god!
11th place – Pisces
If the Pisces husband wants something, you need to give it to him immediately. And he wants wild, unrestrained sex, borscht, on the hands and to his mother. And at the same time. You have to live with Pisces – to be a caring mother to him. A caring and strict mother who will spank this brat in time when he starts whimpering and stamping his feet again. On the other hand, there are no husbands in the world who would be as devoted to their wives as Pisces. And if you want to kick him to hell – so figurines.
10th place – Sagittarius
The best husband according to the sign of the zodiac. Sagittarius is an ideal husband: romantic, but practical, courageous, but gentle, a wonderful lover and a caring father, living with him is easy and pleasant. Unless, of course, you close your eyes, plug your ears, and say with your mouth “I’m in the house!” and sincerely believe in it. They say that some Sagittarius wives in this way managed not to notice their husband’s mistresses even in their beds.
True, sooner or later, Sagittarius will still decide that he has become unbearably bored and decide to marry again. So before the wedding, you need to check his passport: if your place in the series of his wives is fifth or sixth, then everything is ok. There is a chance that he has already become bored with getting married all the time.
9th place – Scorpio
The husband is a tyrant. There are two opinions: his and the wrong one. A wife with the wrong opinion will instantly give a ticket to Hell, well-maintained with the latest technology. A wife with the right opinion equips a personal lifetime paradise – with blackjack and buns. Life hack: it is not necessary to have the right opinion.
The main thing is to speak with inspiration enough. Everything else must also be done with inspiration, including the fulfillment of marital duty, cooking borscht, as well as restoring and maintaining order in the house, in life, and in the quivering soul of Scorpio. By the way, he has a door to the Pig Farm.
8th place – Cancer
An exemplary husband, a standard from the Chamber of Weights and Measures: a handsome and charismatic good-natured man who can fall in love with himself, at first sight, the entire squad of grandmothers near the entrance; a responsible husband and father who knows for sure that he is obliged to support his family, but he is also obliged to raise children and take care of everyday life. He loves his wife, wears it in her arms, and spoils her with gifts. True, only in public. At home, she falls on the sofa, opens a beer, turns on the TV, and turns into a pumpkin. If for some reason there is no pumpkin on the sofa, then it has rolled off to the left. However, the wife will never know about this – this cannot be taken away from Cancer.
7th place — Aries
A brawler, an egoist, a spendthrift, a brute, and a pig. The reference “real man” is smelly, hairy, scary in the face, and tinned with the stomach. Under his favorite sofa, you can find not only dirty socks and half-eaten pizza but also a hungover Dimon. What does it mean, “Who is Dimon”? It’s his best friend! We met yesterday.
In a fit of rage, he can beat Dimon to death with a tea bag. It is strongly not recommended to leave Aries on the farm with children and cats, because children and cats do not know how to gnaw frozen dumplings. But on the other hand, Aries is sure that he has the best wife in the world, and tells everyone about it. Honey, honey.
6th place – Aquarius
The honorable central place goes to Aquarius – a blank of an excellent husband. By itself, this detail does not require anything and does not cause any inconvenience: it brings a modest amount of money, eats up the day before yesterday’s borscht and resignedly washes the cat’s tray. The rest of the time he spends in inner Mongolia, digging imaginary piastres on the Field of Miracles. But if you arm yourself with an ax and a file, you can refine the blank to the standard rich Pinocchio. And, which is significant, unpretentiousness, easy character, and a sense of humor will not go anywhere.
5th place – Taurus
The best husband according to the sign of the zodiac. A devoted and caring husband. Everything in the house, everything for the family – for the precious wife and beloved little ones. Will never betray. Will never change. Peaceful and calm, if you do not bring it to the handle. So if you know where his pen is, you can take out his brain with impunity for decades. In response, he will bring the entire salary in his beak, as well as sweets and gifts (useful). It is completely unpretentious – it does not require anything and is always happy with everything. Faithful, patient, kind, unbearably dreary boring beaver.
4th place – Libra
Mister Romance. It doesn’t matter how many years he has been married, at least five, at least twenty-five, he will still confess his love to his sweetheart every day, give her scarlet roses, serve coffee in bed, and present surprises for no reason. Marital duty performs better than a specially trained Gemini while remaining faithful to his wife until death separates them.
He sees through the mysterious female soul, so he does not need to explain anything, he understands everything himself. A super-husband who can turn his wife’s life into a romantic fairy tale. But to wash the plate behind him, which is typical, he will never learn.
3rd place – Capricorn
The honorable third place goes to Capricorn – a man whom you need to marry if you were lucky enough to meet him. True, to begin with, you will have to kill a dozen or two competitors, because Capricorn is just a walking set of male virtues: smart, good-looking, honest, charming, and kind, and, most importantly, Capricorn will retain all these qualities until old age, without turning into grouch and bore. He has only one drawback – Capricorn categorically does not want to marry. Never. But if he did, consider yourself now to have a personal superhero. Human Stability.
2nd place – Leo
The husband is a patron. Such a dad. Lions marry exclusively rare beauties – or women who manage to convince Leo that they are rare beauties (this is not difficult). He takes care of his wife like a child, spoils her with gifts, carries her in her arms, and leads her by the hand to where for some reason she does not want to go.
Marrying a Leo is like adopting a daughter, only with all the perks of a legal wife, and without the punishments of a naughty daughter. True, for this you will have to tirelessly admire Leo. If the Lion is not praised in time, he withers like a flower without water: everything falls off for him, and the Organ of Valor in the first place. However, is this family happiness, right?
1st place – Virgo
Get out your handkerchiefs, dear fellow women: the Virgo husband is Mr. Darcy incarnate. Smart, good-looking, and well-educated. He makes good money, cooks great, does not shy away from the vacuum cleaner, and raises babies best of all. The Virgo husband is a reliable partner who will never betray, an attentive and gentle lover, and a best friend who does not need to explain anything.
And now – the terrible truth: due to the boundless inner nobility, the Virgin always marries the most hopeless case, because: “This fool will be lost without me.” So your chances are about zero, unless, of course, you are the incarnation of Bridget Jones.