Our Magic Ball decided that the most honest Friday horoscope in the world is not enough, so every Wednesday it will tell the whole truth about you. Alarm! There really will be the WHOLE truth. Today we are breaking down the Aquarius woman into molecules.
What is she?
Trumpet woman. Plumbing. Which burst. The gushing from the chimney, which is typical, can be nectar and chilled prosecco, or what everyone is thinking about now – it doesn’t matter. The important thing is that it is not possible to plug this fountain, unless, of course, you use an aspen stake.
The totem animal is the Govorun bird (“distinguished by intelligence and intelligence, intelligence and intelligence”). Life credo: “Drink, smoke, chase geese.” Motto: “Hurry before it starts!”
She is unsinkable: in any incomprehensible situation, she sees a way out and directs her neighbors to it with kind, sympathetic kicks. The underground nickname is Radio “Positive”: it is capable of driving an enthusiastic blizzard for hours, infecting others with positivity. She is as inventive as a thousand devils and, which is typical, she always manages to bring her crazy ideas to life. A born mass entertainer: within the framework of one party he easily switches from the role of toastmaster-accordion player to the role of a psychotherapist voluntarily.
God-level shamelessness: capable of interfering with someone else’s business even in a situation where she is being carried past something interesting on a stretcher with a broken spine. Even if she doesn’t work at all, she is sincerely convinced that she works too much, and never tires of reminding those around her that, poor girl, they piled too much on her, they sat on top of her, her legs dangling and whistling, scoundrels.
An outstanding gossip: she never blurts out other people’s secrets to everyone, but only to one trusted person. Who will completely independently blurt out the secret to everyone?
Strictly speaking, she never falls in love at all, because from birth she has been head over heels in love with this beautiful world and all its inhabitants. He starts a relationship simply because it worked out so well. He never starts a serious relationship, because he values his freedom above all else, firstly, and secondly, he firmly believes that the institution of marriage was invented by some fools who do not know how to live cheerfully. As a partner, he always chooses a guy with whom it is not boring – this is one thing, but two – who can take care of mortal things while Aquarius has his head in the clouds and hangs out. Half a century later, the Aquarius young lady suddenly realizes that she has lived with this sweet guy all her life, raised children and grandchildren, had cats and a kindergarten – and this is where she begins to suspect something. Or maybe this is love, huh?
Aquarians, as a rule, do not want sex. And they want, firstly, great and pure love, and secondly (and most importantly) to be wanted. This is how it works: first, Aquarius notices genuine male interest in his beautiful person and then fantasizes about what kind of enchanting sex they will have. In a bathtub with pink petals, on silk sheets, on the kitchen table, or in the vestibule of the Moscow – Novy Urengoy train. Now, to get the best sex of his life, a man needs to guess which option Aquarius has come up with for himself. Did you guess it? Your sky will be filled with diamonds. Didn’t guess right? You are the weak link. Farewell!
Wife-friend. The most faithful, the one who understands everything, the one with whom you are never bored. If, of course, the husband is ready to take on all the other socially useful tasks such as cooking borscht, cleaning the cat’s litter box, and raising the children they have together. Forcing Aquarius to do at least one of the above can be done with the same success as one can say, train a goldfish, lecture a humanist on quantum mechanics, or carry water in a sieve. Well, on the other hand, everything is some kind of entertainment, right?
Aquarius + Aries
The upper classes cannot, and the lower classes do not want to. Aries cannot control Aquarius, Aquarius does not want anything at all, because he sees: that a tuft of wool from this black sheep will cost her dearly.
Aquarius + Taurus
Only sex, but, by the way, excellent: Taurus saws qualitatively, Aquarius carefully and painlessly for Taurus shifts the sawing towards experiments and the sky in diamonds. In all other areas of love, Taurus wants and injects himself, and Aquarius rolls his eyes and writes to his friend in the messenger: “Call urgently and say that you broke your leg, otherwise I’ll die of boredom.”
Aquarius + Gemini
A wonderful couple: both dream of a relationship in which it will not be boring, and both regularly shower each other with fun with a slight touch of infinity.
Aquarius + Cancer
A scary combination: Cancer has claws with which he wants to grab and not let go, and Aquarius has metaphorical lobster tongs, and she does not intend to just give up her freedom. And our Magic Ball does not undertake to predict who will defeat whom in this fight between two yokozuna.
Aquarius + Leo
Inexplicable, but true: unions often occur and are almost always successful, although, it would seem, nothing foreshadowed. But Leo turns into a cat and eats from Aquarius’s hand, and why the hell does Aquarius need it – this is a great mystery.
Aquarius + Virgo
Great union! Aquarius introduces a precisely measured therapeutic dose of chaos and carelessness into the ordered life of Virgo; Virgo works as an impeccable navigator, ready to promptly prompt her careless rider on the best route. Love? “What kind of love? There were children” (c).
Aquarius + Libra
Fun and tasty: Libra is charged with Aquarius optimism, Aquarius rejoices in the freedom that is not encroached upon, and the opportunity to poke Libra with a wand at any time – they twitch so funny!
Aquarius + Scorpio
Nothing will work out: Scorpio always has a lot of complaints about his partner, Aquarius has the same answer to all complaints: “Be-be-be!” And not letting Scorpio devour your tender brain and defenseless heart is actually like cutting off its oxygen.
Aquarius + Sagittarius
Excitement and freedom. And suddenly the sex is so-so because these two simply don’t have time to talk to each other between their adventures. And therefore they will live together happily ever after, yes.
Aquarius + Capricorn
It should be noted that Capricorn’s courtship tactics – “Woman, I don’t dance” – always work perfectly with Aquarius. In the sense that Aquarius simply does not pay any attention to him. And if she had, Capricorn would have known how you feel when the four horsemen of the apocalypse have already come after you. However, our Magic Ball reports that some Capricorns were still unlucky and died in an unequal struggle with the freedom-loving natures of Aquarius. Let us drink to the repose of their sinless brains.
Aquarius + Aquarius
A fool sees a fool from afar, but Aquarius also senses Aquarius with a special Aquarius sense that originates below the back. And he walks around respectfully, bowing politely. Because, you know, I want to live. Both.
Aquarius + Pisces
As they say, two alternatively gifted individuals are the mass of a body multiplied by its acceleration (if you know what we mean). In the sense that the union is enchanting even from the outside, and from the inside it is a solid Unicorn country with blackjack and buns.