The Most Honest Horoscope: The Whole Truth About Gemini Men

Our Magic Ball has decided that the most honest Friday horoscope in the world is not enough for you, so it will sometimes tell you the whole truth about men. Alarm! There really will be the WHOLE truth. Today we are breaking down the Gemini man into molecules. Do not thank.

What is he?

A real ghoul. A chthonic creature of darkness, stuffed with terrible subpersonalities right up to the Sahasrar. Truly devilishly smart, cunning, and cunning. Attractive, like Johnny Depp in his best years (although why “how”, he is a Gemini). Incredibly talented, has a magical command of words, the art of manipulation and intrigue has been pumped up to the level of “God”. Instead of a heart, Geminis have a fiery revolutionary engine that Che Guevara himself would envy (although why would he envy, he is also a Gemini). An extremely dangerous type of very attractive appearance.

Positive traits

Tenacious, like a colony of basement rats: able to adapt to any situation and at the same time adapt his neighbors to it. He gives the impression of being a standard goofball, but he never loses his head (or, more likely, a new one instantly grows in place of the lost one). Sense of humor and wit of the 80th level. Charming, and, what is much worse, perfectly aware of it.

Negative qualities

A seasoned egoist. He sincerely thinks that everyone around him is a scoundrel, only he is D’Artagnan and everything good that happens in his life is personal merit, and everything bad, accordingly, is the petty dirty tricks of his neighbors. He lies like he breathes and never gets confused in a lie, so it is impossible to catch him. Argue too. The list of what he “isn’t” would be like the Great Soviet Encyclopedia: elusive, fickle, unpunctual, unfaithful, dishonest, intolerant, etc. Organically incapable of experiencing defeat with honor: numerous subpersonalities in this case begin to gnaw at the Gemini, and he at those around him. Life motto: “Everyone is to blame but me.” Typical Nietzschebrod.

Love

The danger level is red. As in love as a March cat. It is approximately the same, that is, in no way. Several partners at the same time with a wife and permanent mistress are the norm. He falls in love, which is typical, not with his heart, but with his head – and with his head. But something undoubtedly beautiful should grow below a woman’s head: Gemini is not able to fall in love with a woman who cannot be boasted of in high society (even if in high society he is called exclusively to sweep up confetti).

Sex

In bed, he is as changeable as in all other areas of life, but he is not lazy. I am always ready, as a pioneer, to set an example for all the guys. The level of technology is “God”. He regularly abuses the gift of words: if he wants sex, he will say exactly what his partner wants to hear. He demands the best from his partner at once: a body in great shape and endless improvement of technique, he cannot do otherwise, he has paws. At the same time, of course, he will never admit that he cannot. At best, he will quietly disappear into the fog, without leaving a farewell note; at worst, he will trample on his partner’s self-esteem and only then disappear into the fog.

Marriage

Schrödinger’s husband seems to exist, but at the same time, he seems to not exist. Moreover, he is not there precisely when he is needed, and when he is not needed, he is all yours, dear. With all the accompanying joys such as gambling debts, a five-day binge, and a pregnant mistress. He got bored and came to eat. By the way, can you lend me some money? On the other hand, he makes a wonderful dad, and if he can be caught in time and hung with children, you can be calm about their fate. I mean, they’ll have fun and almost certainly none of them will break their legs. He loves and knows how to earn money, but he loves to spend even more, so if you are planning to save for your old age, learn to squeeze out his money and hide it where he won’t find it (spoiler: the first is not at all difficult, the second is almost impossible).

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Compatibility

Gemini + Aries

A bright, but short-lived relationship: the case when a powder keg will explode under the elastic seat of Gemini even before he has time to properly settle down.

Gemini + Taurus

A typical story about the tender relationship between a toad and a viper: Taurus paws and demands his white dress, house, garden, carat school, and “finally get a normal job!”, and Gemini sneaks away, hangs noodles on their ears and mocks the philistinism Taurus. They diverge from the oath promise to themselves that “never again!”

Gemini + Gemini

That rare case is when a man and a woman of the same sign are ideal for each other. Our Magic Ball suspects that the reason for this is quite prosaic: these two ghouls are simply no match for almost anyone else.

Gemini + Cancer

A rare union: the instinct of self-preservation tells both to stay away from each other. Cancer feels that all the way they will have to silently endure constant insults and betrayal. Gemini calculates the far from zero probability of being squeezed by a powerful claw, like a bear trap – without the opportunity to flutter at least the most overwhelming subpersonality. If these two meet, then that’s how it all happens.

Gemini + Leo

Pride and Prejudice. I mean, the pride of the Lioness and the prejudice of the Gemini towards the mossy, from their point of view, the institution of marriage. However, sexual compatibility is beyond praise, so an affair will certainly happen. And finally, the Lioness will not deny herself the pleasure of giving Gemini a good pat and regally waving her clawed paw, releasing half of his metaphysical guts. What will earn the warm approval of all other female signs? Let there be revenge!

Gemini + Virgo

Unexpected turn! An almost perfect and certainly long and happy union. Gemini gets hooked on daily sessions of cerebral sex (this is in the brain), as if on hard drugs, and Virgo lives by the principle “Whatever the child enjoys, as long as it doesn’t bring gonorrhea.”

Gemini + Libra

Restless economy: it storms both with the same force and speed, but at different times. On the other hand, if you practice the synchronicity of bouts of crazy fun and universal sorrow, you can live happily ever after. There are no more contradictions because if you push in just one more, both will burst.

Gemini + Scorpio

She found a scythe on a stone: Scorpio finally came across a creature on which she had every chance of breaking off her sting. Gemini lies in a faint, realizing that there is still a woman in the world whom they cannot see through. None of them would want to voluntarily give up such an interesting victim, of course, so the battle of the Titans will end in a draw: they will live together poorly but for a long time.

Gemini + Sagittarius

Ta-damm! An ideal pair: the case when a minus by a minus turns into a bold plus. Two independent and freedom-loving individuals get along well together when they get along. In the sense that marriage is more like a guest marriage and without a stamp in the passport. But – forever!

Gemini + Capricorn

This is the case when even our Magic Ball has absolutely nothing to say: the union of Gemini and Capricorn is completely impossible because the Heavenly Office is not yet ready to allow the beginning of the apocalypse. And this will be exactly him.

Gemini + Aquarius

A wonderful couple: both dream of a relationship in which it will not be boring, and both regularly shower each other with fun with a slight touch of infinity.

Gemini + Pisces

“In church, when the priest asked whether we wanted to become husband and wife, we unanimously answered “no” – and we were immediately married. After the wedding, my wife and I went on our honeymoon. I went to Turkey, she went to Switzerland, and for three years they lived there in love and harmony.” There is nothing more to add to the words of the classic.