Zodiac Signs

What Animal Is He According To His Zodiac Sign?

Today our Magic Ball tells the most important thing: what kind of brute did you get involved with? We talk about the zodiac animals of men. And also what animals the zodiac signs are like.

No, no, this is not a horoscope about totem animals at all! More precisely, we, of course, studied which totem animal is inherent in each zodiac sign, but at the same time, we also selected animals that suit the zodiac signs from a psychological point of view. In general, take a seat: it will be very informative – and “hint” at the character traits of your loved one 🙂

Capricorn – elk

What animal is according to the zodiac sign Capricorn? It’s a horse, but we think it’s an elk. A colossal beast. The moose is a phlegmatic giant who, it seems, cannot harm anyone: he stands and chews leaves. But this is only an appearance! If you accidentally frighten a moose, make him angry, hurt him, carelessly humiliate him, fly by him insufficiently carefully, or even give him the wrong “Koo!” – write lost. This colossus will instantly explode and run away, not making out the road and trampling all living things. And, just so you understand, there is no way to stop him: the metaphorical Capricorn weight and height are comparable to elk – at least half a ton of live weight and two and a half meters at the withers. And he also has the vision of a moose: he can’t see a damn thing beyond his nose, so it’s better not to stand under an arrow. It will trample!

Aquarius – hyena

Disgusting brute. An infernal creature that looks like the product of your worst nightmare, but stinks even worse. The pressure of the jaws is 70 kg/cm2, that is, your skull will easily bite through like a seed and begin to eat away your brain. The creature is omnivorous: it can digest any carrion, so the aroma of its metaphorical burp can easily send you to intensive care. Talentedly portrays an extremely aggressive and fearless beast. He knows very well that the most shabby female is much stronger than him, and is very afraid that someone will guess about it. That’s why he runs around you and preventively shits on everyone’s soul. Marking the territory. At the same time, you won’t believe it! – the totem animal of the zodiac sign Aquarius is a harmless and carefree dolphin. They know how to disguise themselves!

Pisces – panda

Mindless brute. Everyone loves pandas because they are fat butt cuties, and they are also endangered. It is not at all clear why they cannot survive, if they have no natural enemies in nature, and humanity not only does not hunt them but is also diligently trying to increase the population of these cuties. It would seem, that what else is needed: sit, chew bamboo, and be fruitful. But no! Pandas are stubbornly dying out. Simply because they can. Pisces is not busy with anything other than permanent extinction from the unbearable meaninglessness of existence. What then is the totem animal of the zodiac sign Pisces, you ask? Sea Horse! Also very unusual and extremely unviable.

Aries – bear

What animal is according to the zodiac sign Aries? Cute purring cat. Well, somewhere in the depths of my soul I am a more arrogant brute. If at least once he comes across scraps near a human dwelling (or, God forbid, a person will treat him himself), he will come there every day and demand his rightful first, second, and compote. Capable of attacking suddenly, even when not provoked. He doesn’t use specific facial expressions or bodily signals in general, so it’s not possible to guess when he wants to eat and when he wants to blow your head off. Gives the impression of a clumsy Hulk – deceptive. In case of real danger, it drops the stinking ballast and proudly walks away on its hind legs to look more scary.

Taurus – deer

We thought for a long time about what animal the zodiac sign Taurus is associated with, but, alas, we did not find anything better. He’s a stupid bastard. And even according to the totemic calendar – an irreconcilable bull! Thousands of motorists become victims of deer every year. Simply because the deer is not able to figure out that there is no need to jump out onto the road, but when it jumps out, it freezes in the headlights and only stares with its eyes. Best case scenario. At worst, he begins to rush back and forth, ostensibly trying to save his skin, but making this very salvation impossible. If Taurus is caught acting ashamed or properly frightened, you might see something like this.

Gemini – lizard

Elusive beast. For those who skipped a school zoology course, we remind you that lizards are reptiles, almost all of them lay eggs, and do not care about the hatched offspring. That is, imprinting does not exist for them, and a lizard is not able to become sincerely attached to someone simply by its nature. This must be kept in mind when you hear a declaration of love from Gemini. Because as soon as you open your ears, hop! – there was no trace of him. And in your fist, you still have the tip of a senselessly shaking tail as a souvenir. We explain this in such a veiled way that no one has ever managed to forcibly restrain Gemini.

By the way, totems don’t help much here either. Don’t even ask what animal is according to the zodiac sign Gemini – you will be disappointed! Well, if you want to know, it’s a fox. Cunning, predatory, and merciless.

Cancer is an opossum

Cowardly brute. Commits bandit raids on other people’s property exclusively on the sly. In any incomprehensible situation, he falls and pretends to be dead, his eyes glazing over and foam coming out of his mouth, so that you have to drag everything on yourself, including, in fact, the “dead man” himself. He has an innate immunity to many poisons, so it is useless to manipulate, threaten, blackmail, and appeal to his non-existent conscience. If you suddenly find a poison to which Cancer has no immunity, see the point “Fall and play dead.” Checkmate!

What is the totem animal of the zodiac sign Cancer? No better, possum. Lonely, secretive, nocturnal, and not allowing anyone closer to him than at arm’s length. Even the most beloved and closest ones, if there are any.

Leo is a hippopotamus

Dangerous beast. In his youth he has a completely unbearable charm; in maturity, he gives the impression of a good-natured and clumsy giant. In life, he is extremely aggressive and prone to sudden attacks without declaring war. He is mostly busy counting the heads of the females in his harem and splashing feces around his native swamp: shitting and twirling his tail, shitting and twirling his tail. In general, this is a comprehensive description. But we will still supplement it. There is no need to guess for a long time what the totem animal is according to the zodiac sign of the Leo man. Naturally, a narcissistic peacock! He will show off this tail in front of you and, if necessary, kill you. Be careful with these individuals!

Virgo is a dog

Vile brute. He has an enchanting reputation as the Most Faithful Friend and Brave Defender. But what is overlooked is the fact that these qualities are the fruit of centuries of work by breeders, and in the end, only the best representatives of the species still fully possess them (and then after several years of hard training). In case of real danger, Virgo will, at best, make a move. At worst, it bites not the aggressor, but the owner. Like, here’s a big and scary northern fox, see? I’m on your side! Nothing personal, just a survival mechanism. When the danger passes, he will return, by the way, with his tail between his legs. And it would be a shame to kick him out.

By the way, the totem animal for the Virgo zodiac sign is the intelligent orangutan. An endangered species that needs to be protected. True, only if we are talking about the best individuals of the breed.

Libra – cat

Useless brute. A very, very beautiful, gentle, and affectionate creature that is easy to keep at home, which is why everyone loves cats, and some even worship them. A very beautiful and completely useless animal. In any incomprehensible situation, he shits on the carpet with a thoughtful look. In all other situations, he imagines himself to be a king and a god, demanding delicious food, a clean pot, a personal bed and belly scratching. Scratch your belly! So, I removed my hands! Kus! And judging by the totem animals, bunnies are suitable for Libra men. Also cute and fluffy. And also not very productive at all.

Scorpio – raccoon

Treacherous beast. The creature that absolutely everyone likes is like the notorious chervonets: he has such little hands! He has such little eyes! Instantly creates chaos out of the blue with these very little hands, brazenly looking into your eyes with these very little eyes. He can’t go a day without rinsing something—mostly someone’s brains. Speaking of rinsing: raccoons rinse everything they can get their hands on, including their small living victims. It’s more convenient to devour a drowned and half-suffocated creature alive, yes.

What animal according to the zodiac sign Scorpio should you look for in totems? A dog. Yes, sweet, kind and devoted. But at the same time growling, angry and aggressive. This is how to educate!

Sagittarius — Honeyeater

A stubborn brute. According to the Guinness Book of Records, the most fearless creature on Earth. He is a natural cross between a punk and a Gopnik: he bullies buffalos and lions (even though he is the size of a cat), eats all living things, including poisonous snakes, can get out of any trap, and stinks worse than a skunk. His favorite pastime (besides beating lions’ faces) is destroying hives and eating honey. And, which is typical, it is perfectly tamed and becomes a cute pet: it eats from your hands, curls up in a ball on your lap, and responds to its name. During breaks, he digs holes in the sofa, punches the cat and couriers in the face, and attacks guests with a stinking volley from the anal glands. A real animal!

Which animal suits the Sagittarius zodiac sign among totems? You won’t even be surprised, otter! Sagittarius men are just as nosy and somewhat mysterious. But at the same time, they are quite homely – we suggest you develop exactly this feeling in your individual.

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