Today our Magic Ball tells which of the zodiac signs is better off not even accidentally stepping on their tail. Otherwise, there will be a big badabum!
12th place — Aries
The honorable last place goes to Aries, who cannot be offended in principle: offense implies that the offended person has at least some concern for your supposedly valuable opinion about his person, which, as you understand, is not about Aries. Aries has your opinion on the horns. Together with you, by the way. We are hinting so subtly that there is no need to try to offend the non-offensive Aries anyway: if someone cannot be offended, this does not mean at all that he cannot be angered. And picking up knocked-out teeth with broken hands is a so-so experience. We don’t recommend it.
11th place — Sagittarius
Sagittarius has the same fiery temperament as Aries, but their nature is truly gigantic. Cyclopean. Grandiose. Opening your mouth to try to offend Sagittarius is a pointless activity and not very healthy. Open your mitten like this and you will swallow the dust from the hooves of the Streltsovsk stallion, which – yes, you got it right – will cover the whole world.
10th place – Gemini
Unexpected turn! Gemini only takes tenth place in the horoscope of the touchy, and the dear editors are already prepared to accept numerous complaints from citizens who had the temerity to offend Gemini – either accidentally or intentionally. But our Magic Ball never lies: in fact, Geminis are never offended. Geminis simply use attempts to offend them to warm up a little and walk a couple of particularly unpleasant subpersonalities: practice applied slander, humiliate you in public, throw plates at the wall, and your self-esteem to the bottom of the Mariana Trench. But, they don’t care, keep that in mind.
9th place — Aquarius
Trying to offend Aquarius is a dead end: you will tear your vocal cords trying to shout to the stratosphere, where, according to rumors, the pinnacle of Aquarius self-esteem is located (but this is not certain). Aquarius always knows the main thing about himself: he is great and right all around. And those who don’t understand this are just some kind of fools, and, as you know, teaching fools only spoils them. It’s better to just tell everyone about them. Ha ha ha!
8th place — Capricorn
Eighth place goes to Capricorns – people who have no time to deal with your nonsense: those who have nothing else to do are offended, from the point of view of Capricorn. The factories are standing still while everyone is taking their grievances to the therapists, you slackers! For example, Capricorn cannot be offended at all, just so you know. But Capricorn can be very offended if you know how: his only vulnerable spot is criticism. And you can only offend him once: after you criticize Capricorn, you will never offend anyone. Who will even listen to you – a person wrapped in pathetic scraps of reputation?
7th place — Scorpio
Beware, dangerous moment: Scorpios rarely take offense, but they do so quickly and so accurately that the Norwegian biathlon team can quietly go into a corner and cry with envy. And here’s what’s especially scary: Scorpios profess the principle that “They take offense at loved ones but put others in their place.” So, if Scorpio’s anger has smeared you with a thin layer over the surrounding reality, know: that it was you who was put in your place. But if an offended Scorpio has slammed the door to his life in your face and you are senselessly scraping into it, not even receiving a disgusted “Get out!”, you are close. Were.
6th place – Libra
The honorable central place goes to Libra, but this time not because, as usual, they have not yet decided whether they are touchy or not. Libras are extremely, incredibly, extremely touchy. Any careless movement that all other signs will not notice at all, Libra will immediately take it personally and be mortally offended. However, they will immediately begin to think whether in this particular case, they should show their resentment, and if so, then in what way. And by the time they decide, about five thousand years will have passed. And, by the way, in the end, as a rule, they decide that there was a misunderstanding and, perhaps, there was no point in being offended. They are light and easy-going people, these Libras.
5th place – Virgo
The top five are opened by Virgos – people whose limit of patience extends to places where a mad dog wouldn’t stick its nose: Virgos can swallow almost any insult and pretend that nothing special happened. Well, as a last resort, understand and forgive. But only if we are talking about those about one and a half people whom Virgo sincerely values. Virgo takes offense at others who have the imprudence to try to offend Virgo with great pleasure: wow, there were still unafraid idiots, what luck! Virgo will immediately write down their names in her ball book and begin to collect incriminating evidence, study vulnerabilities, and calculate the right moment for revenge. After, carefully sweeping away the ashes of the offender in a dustpan, he will be sincerely upset that each time there are fewer and fewer people willing: it’s a shame, don’t you think?
4th place — Leo
Leos fell just short of the top three, and they can be mortally offended by simply not admiring them flowery enough. The problem is that Leo’s reputation does not allow him to express this resentment, because it is not the king’s business to be offended by all sorts of scumbags. While the offended Leo is puffing up like a toad, wondering whether it would be decent to knock off half your head with his mighty paw or whether it would be better to still maintain royal equanimity and pretend that nothing happened, run! Because in the end, Leo will decide that his status is unshakable, unshakable and invulnerable. Unlike your pathetic life.
3rd place — Taurus
The top three are opened by Taurus, whose relationships are without offense – like vodka without beer: money is a waste anyway, who does that? Taurus will always find something to put on for example, he is again not appreciated enough or is outrageously not given due attention; or stop tugging at him over every little thing, Taurus is irreplaceable to you, or something, and you’re tired of pestering him, get on his head again, completely already. In general, Taurus loves to be offended, knows how, and practices it, and with feeling, sensibly, and with precision. But deep inside himself, enjoying his resentment and picking it apart in rare hours of rest. But if Taurus already directly tells you that you offended him, the matter is dead: this is no longer an insult, but anger. Get away, you fools!
2nd place – Pisces
The silver medal goes to Pisces – people who are capable of completely independently taking and injuring themselves on anyone out of the blue. It is precisely this reputation that they have diligently created for themselves over the years, teaching those around them to approach them exclusively with tiny steps on soft paws and immediately obsequiously fall on their faces, trembling in anticipation of further valuable instructions, because Rybka’s offense is scary. This is sepulchral silence and total ignorance, which can last, without exaggeration, for weeks. And when the offender reaches the end of this psychological torture, absolutely exhausted and exhausted, he will make an epoch-making decision: never again! Never again offend Empress Rybka with a word or a hint. And he will never know that he didn’t even offend – it’s just that prevention is always better than cure, right?
1st place — Cancer
Ta-damm! The honorable first place and gold medal go to Cancers – the most touchy people in the world. It only seems that they need a metaphorical shell to protect themselves from an evil, soulless world. The evil and soulless world of Cancer can be cut into noodles with its metaphorical claws at any moment, this is not a problem at all. Cancer needs the shell to hide there from everyone and open the door to the secret room. And there they go into the endless distance, lost in the darkness, rows of shelves with lovingly arranged and carefully numbered folders and in each – a detailed dossier: who said something to Cancer, who looked askance, in what year and for what reason and what Cancer did for this about what he was planning to do (after reading the chapter “Take”, Stephen King ate his typewriter out of envy). This has a therapeutic effect on Cancer and reconciles him with grievances. Thank him very much for this, that’s what. He could have taken revenge.