This year again, you started “Dry January” full of enthusiasm, at six in the morning. We know exactly whether or not you will last months without alcohol, depending on your astrological sign.
To motivate yourself, have you covered your fridge door with post-its saying “The Martini is over”, “the sake is over”, or “We say no to Chinon”? If you’re one of the many people trying to go an entire month without drinking alcohol, astrology has a revelation for you. Certain signs would be better able to keep this resolution: this is the case of Virgo or even Capricorn, the champions of self-discipline. But several members of the zodiac have a little less willpower. Remember that alcohol abuse and second-degree forgetfulness are dangerous for your health. To consume with moderation.
GEMINI: THE TALKATIVE ALCOHOL
Normally, they already talk a lot. When they’ve been drinking, it’s worse. In their brain, everything is always going a thousand miles an hour: normal, for a sign associated with cerebral Mercury. While there are certainly many good reasons to have a Gemini in your life, you also surely know the risks. Among them, a slight tendency to plan aperitifs often: traps that they knowingly set for you. With their almost caffeinated energy, their superhuman speech rate, and their supernatural brain activity, Geminis are cheeky when they have been drinking. But above all, they know that not everyone handles alcohol as well. They love to confuse your brain (even though it is no longer very strong) by giving you the equivalent of a TED conference on yet another conspiracy theory. The more his audience is imbibed, the less he can flee. They got you. And that’s exactly why they’re unlikely to stop drinking in January.
Our prognosis: they will not last 10 days.
LIBRA: THE GIFT OF UBIQUITY
Don’t pretend, you know very well what we want to talk about. Do you know her, that ultra-popular Libra friend who has four parties planned for the same evening and who doesn’t see the problem in honoring them all with her presence, one by one? This is Libra’s lot: she sins out of a desire to do well and above all, to be friendly. So, it’s fatal, “Pompette” is their middle name. Let it be said, with Libra, ubiquity rhymes with inebriation. The worst part is still being one of the most talkative astrological signs of the zodiac while being incapable of pronouncing the word “no”. They are the perfect example of the social pressure that exists around alcohol consumption, but if you ask them: they stop the Margaritas whenever they want. Not only will they fail miserably in their attempt at Dry January, but they will also want to take you down with them by “inadvertently” filling your glass.
Our prognosis: they won’t last a week.
SAGITTARIUS: THE INEXHAUSTIBLE THIRST
There is one sign that we don’t believe for a second when he tells us that he plans to do Dry January, it’s Sagittarius. The natives of the sign are depicted, with a lot of tongs and gloves, as “good living people” or people focused on “good flesh”. If you ask us for our opinion (and you haven’t but you’ll get it all the same), we rather think that Sagittarians are the living incarnation of the concept of “YOLO”, meaning “we only live once “. The sky is their limit since they don’t have one: there is not a pleasure in existence that Sagittarius does not want to abuse. But as always, their unquenchable thirst is explainable (we did not say excusable) by astrology. If the cosmic centaurs are the most excessive in the zodiac, it is because their star is that of excess par excellence: Jupiter. The largest planet in the solar system is named after the king of the Greek gods, Zeus, and gives Sagittarius a little bit of “always more.” Never satisfied, the sign of the archer is also the one who hates frameworks and restrictions.
Our prognosis: they will not last three days.
Pisces: Fins Without Borders
What is already very undisciplined the rest of the time and has zero chance of having a Dry January? A Pisces, of course. Once is not usual, but a little all the same, it is a dark story of a designated planet. That of the sign of Pisces is the icy planet Neptune, the nebula: dreams, illusions, altered reality… This is why it is said, in astrology, that Neptune is also the planet of addictions and artificial paradises. Very sensitive to everything that happens around him, Pisces tends to go with the flow, and, the least we can say, is that he has no problem letting go. He has a hard time controlling himself and setting limits. Especially since Pisces is one of the most airheaded signs of the zodiac. They will end up forgetting their vows of sobriety just hours after making them. “Oh flute! » Champagne.
Our prognosis: they won’t last three hours.