Do you want to know what destiny is in store for you? Then rather read our most honest horoscope in the world!
Capricorns are created to become perfection and eventually gain Absolute Power. Not over the world, as some would like (we will not point fingers, although they were Lions and Scorpions), but over ourselves. Which is no different from absolute power over the world. But to comprehend this truth, one must be born a Capricorn, otherwise, there is no way. Or realize that the social role of Capricorn is a pioneer, an example for all the guys. Realize, accept, and equal this ungulate. You will not achieve perfection anyway, but at least it will not be excruciatingly painful for the aimlessly lived years.
We bring laughter and joy to people! The true purpose of Aquarius is to give people happiness and inspire them to exploit. Note that it is to inspire, and not to do good, to do good and drive into a brighter future with weighty kicks. A close relationship with Aquarius promises an exciting new experience for everyone. A stunning experience, let’s not be afraid of this word because Aquarians sometimes have very, very peculiar ideas about what exactly should bring people happiness, laughter, and joy.
Pisces are made to suffer. Do not think what is bad, to suffer from love, of course. Suffer madly, furiously, to rupture the aorta, so that everyone around gets through. We can say that Pisces are made for love and sadness. For love and sorrow in their cinematically beautiful fantasies. In real life, this means that everyone is obliged to love Pisces, but they do not owe anything to anyone. They will whine and pout their lips.
Aries are made to act. Lightning fast. Powerful. Sweeping everything in its path, if necessary. We can say that Aries is the driving force of the Universe, and it is they who make this world spin (no, just spin, not what you just thought). On the other hand, Aries is not at all built to think before acting. And we strongly advise them to stay close to Capricorns and avoid Aquarius if possible. And then, you know, we still want to live.
Taurus are made for shopping. Yes, yes, just like that, simply and basely, without any lofty matters and gloomy thoughts about the fate of the fatherland. Classical astrology tells us that the true purpose of Taurus is “creation, accumulation, and multiplication of life’s blessings”, but we know what it is about: about shopping. And then, of course, you can talk about high things, skillfully concocting complex cabbage soup on your personality, gratified by happy spending.
Gemini is made to explore the world. By the way, they do not recognize numerous Inner Mongolia – this enfilade of terrible Universes is familiar to them from birth. The twins learn other worlds and with pleasure dissect the metaphysical giblets of those around them. And, of course, no one asks drugs whether they are ready to serve science and become an object of mental vivisection. If you don’t want to be opened up like a frog, don’t hang out with Gemini. But you’d better want to, of course. Catharsis is a really good thing.
Cancers were created for you and me, comrades. To educate us strictly, to love us, no matter what, and, if possible, to save us from various vices such as laziness, despondency, drunkenness, foul language, and walking in winter without a hat. If you don’t want to be saved, stay away from Cancer. However, if Cancer has already fallen in love with you, there is no chance: a telescopic claw will even get you out of the underworld, pull you out by the scruff of the neck, seat you at the table, and make you eat a few more spoons of porridge for mom, for dad, for the dog Bug and world peace. Well, how would you like it? Love for your neighbor is a limitless power.
Lions are created for world fame and incredible wealth. There is nothing more to write here, except that, of course, we do not envy them at all. Not a drop. Not at all.
The virgins were created to enlighten and guide the mournful minds of these little ones on the true path. Only Virgos know how to live correctly: they are the standard from the Chamber of Weights and Measures. The Virgos themselves, which is characteristic, rarely correspond to this very standard: let all Capricorns practice, who have nothing else to do, and Virgo is not a practitioner, Virgo is a brilliant theorist. But you can safely believe the Virgos: if they give you life advice, follow it right away. Virgos are never wrong. Virgins before you tested this on a hundred other test subjects.
Scales are created for beauty and harmony. To create this around itself – such was the idea of the Universe, which endowed Libra with an internal tuning fork, according to which everyone else should tune their sense of beauty. But the same Universe for some reason heartily trampled on the ears of all the other signs, and Libra now suffers greatly from the fact that everything around is ugly and fake, therefore Libra creates beauty and harmony mainly for her loved ones. But if this is not enough for you, be friends with Libra. They are kind, sincere, and not greedy. A piece of beauty will fall on you.
Scorpions are created to tempt, seduce, and lead astray. “Very nice, king. King of Darkness. Only reinforced concrete Capricorns, almost holy Cancers, and Virgos, who understand everything, can resist them. The rest should at least once in their lives contact Scorpio: this connection is sick, but necessary, like a vaccine. Those who fall under the sting will fight and resist and therefore become stronger in body and soul. Who will survive?
Sagittarians are created so that all other signs do not kill each other in the process of realizing their true destiny. Because Sagittarians, firstly, represent the zodiacal court, the most humane court in the world: their sense of justice is innate and exemplary. And secondly, Sagittarians know how to live in a wonderful and bright future. And sometimes they return to our dull present to gather loyal followers around and lead them into this very future, and even kick some of them. Thank you very much for this, that’s what.