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Zodiac Signs

Forever Young, Forever With Mom: The Most Infantile Zodiac Sign – Who Is He?


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Today our Magic Ball tells which of the zodiac signs grow upright on the potty, and which will never grow out of short pants.

12th place – Capricorn

Capricorn, as a rule, is immediately born as a wise person who has seen some shit. Therefore, he even soils his diapers according to a schedule to accustom these ridiculous people, who through an oversight of the Heavenly Office turned out to be his parents, to at least some kind of regime and order. Moreover, as Capricorn grows up, the situation only gets worse, so it is advisable to take him while still a puppy: by the time he is thirty, he will turn into an honorary veteran of all life’s battles at once and, based on this, he will lecture his neighbors with such an expression that you will want to hit him on the head with a frying pan, but you can’t: He’s already shell-shocked.

11th place – Leo

Leo’s favorite pastime is to pretend to be Galya, who is very spoiled, which is why some not particularly perspicacious people consider Leos to be infantile. Nothing like this! If Leo puts a plate of borscht on your head and finds a piece of meat with nasty fat in it, he is from the role, from the role… well… that’s the role. In general, in any incomprehensible situation, Leo instantly gathers himself together, releases his claws, flares out his mane, and in one fell swoop solves not only his problems but also the problems of everyone who is part of his pride. Not forgetting, of course, to growl effectively, and then put on a dignified appearance and demand borscht (which he cannot cook himself, because it has paws).

10th place – Taurus

Taurus is adulthood itself, we would even say maturity itself, and we would even say something else, but we’d better shut up now because if anyone didn’t know, our editor-in-chief is Taurus. So, for some inexplicable reason, from early youth, Taurus is attracted to soft armchairs, cozy rugs, supplies of washing powder, toilet paper, and jam in the pantry – in general, to everything that shows in them a constant readiness for any life disasters. Therefore, it is useless to try to move Taurus from his place with the storm of life: Taurus will not seek help, he is the house that Naf-Naf built all around him.

9th place – Scorpio

Infantility is alien to Scorpio, because this quality, like any other, however, also has a downside: infantile people, as a rule, are so infantile that they do not keep in mind not only deadlines and account balances but also no evil. They don’t hold, they don’t hold anything at all. And Scorpio has in his head a chaotic, in the eyes of a neophyte, web of facts, arguments, connections, and reasons, in which the devil will break his leg, and Scorpio navigates better than in his kitchen. And you are registered there too, by the way.

8th place – Virgo

Virgo heroically overcomes herself day after day: deep inside, she is the most infantile sign, organically incapable of understanding where the money goes and where the dust comes from. But to maintain her reputation as the smartest and most beautiful in a white coat, Virgo makes a lot of effort, for example, she kindly exposes her neck to those who want to sit on her – and yet she looks very mature. Who she is, but she can’t believe it herself. This is such a paradox.


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7th place – Cancer

Unexpected turn! Cancer is not as mature as it wants to seem: it is in the family Cancer, threateningly snapping and pushing everyone with its claws, hurries to take the patriarch’s chair, folds its periopods on its cephalothorax and grins its mandibles contentedly, giving everyone valuable instructions on how to live. In the outside world, Cancer immediately hides in a shell and backs away until he bumps into someone who will go and explain to his superiors why yesterday Cancer smelled so suspiciously that he couldn’t even come up without a pickled cucumber.

6th place – Sagittarius

An honorable central place in the horoscope of mother’s pies goes to Sagittarius, who is excellent at all this adult stuff – like managing newspapers and steamships, but hates this business so much that he can’t even eat. Therefore, as a rule, Sagittarius works tirelessly for up to 30 years to earn money from these same newspapers and steamships, and then transfers affairs into the hands of his faithful managers and rests on his laurels. I mean metaphorically jumping from garages (from a tower with a parachute) and gorging on candy (with bourbon filling). Make claims on the subject “When will you grow up?” completely meaningless: he was already growing up, and now he has the reverse process.

5th place – Libra

Fifth place goes to Libra, who, contrary to popular belief, are not very childish: they just take a long time to ripen – like good cheese or good wine. That is, by the age of forty, they, as a rule, begin to figure out how to pay bills (and why), how and how often they need to wash their socks, who is this strange woman who shoves some small person into their hands, and who is this person, by the way, why is there this strange pan with something suspiciously ruby ​​inside in the refrigerator? And before that, Libra was simply busy with much more important things. Writing sonnets, for example.

4th place – Aries

Almost falling short of the top three are Aries, who seem to be excellent (we would even say, better than anyone) at playing all adult games – from going over the heads of their opponents to the top of the career ladder to scandals with the receptionist of a children’s clinic (here they have no equal at all, By the way). But as soon as Aries opens the door of his house, his armor falls off, and underneath it, a most amazing ram is revealed. Who looks into a full refrigerator as if it were a new gate and does not understand on which shelf his clean socks should lie? Honey, have you seen it by any chance?

3rd place – Gemini

The bronze medal and honorable third place go to Gemini – forever young, forever drunk. Geminis, in principle, do not know how to grow up, but even if they suddenly knew how they would still not take advantage of this opportunity: they are born nonconformists, anarchists, and mother’s rebels. However, Gemini has a shabby subpersonality that can go to the MFC and get Gemini to work with a hangover. But she washes her hands of this, because it’s hard, damn it!

2nd place – Pisces

The silver medal goes to Pisces, who don’t want to decide anything, but want beer, a TV series and to learn the Tao, but someday later (because while they learn, you couldn’t touch them, and in general, a samurai has no goal, only a path!). It is useless to fight this, because Pisces mothers, as a rule, despair somewhere around the time their beloved child transitions from primary to secondary school, so Pisces gets used to the fact that someone else puts sausage in the refrigerator and money in the nightstand. But they are gentle and empathic!

1st place – Aquarius

Ta-damm! The honorable first place, the drum around the neck, and the title of the main mother’s pie of the entire zodiac goes to Aquarius, who makes exactly one single adult decision in their entire life: to never grow up at any cost. The main ambush here is that Aquarius is bored of living out his allotted time in the role of a baby in short pants, so he chooses something more fun: the role of a ruff teenager. Which, alas, is very easy to confuse with the behavior of an adult, because, look, he wants to decide everything himself for the simple reason that he is an Aquarius. But this is before the first serious problem. And then to any of your adult questions, for example: “Where is the alimony, you bastard?” – Aquarius will give out a completely irrefutable argument: “BE-BE-BE!” And here – as your wise mother probably hinted to you – at least speak, at least crack. Alas!

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