The Stars Are Not Aligned: How Your Zodiac Sign Is Stopping You From Finding Love

Today our Magic Ball is especially out of sorts: he said, can you imagine, that it’s our fault if we can’t fall in love normally? Well, not us, in the sense, but our zodiac signs. And yours, yes, yes.

Capricorn

Closedness. You can understand that Capricorn is in love by one single sign: she suddenly, when nothing foreshadowed, opens her mouth and says: “I love you.” All! Until this moment, she will be restrained and unperturbed, like Vladimir Ilyich Lenin after 1924, and it will be impossible to guess her feelings, and it will be inconvenient to ask directly: why suddenly, there is no reason! Meanwhile, Capricorn can suffer and suffer, not understanding why her feelings do not find a response. And really – why would that be?

Aquarius

Aquarius in love, as in life in general, is hampered by an unconventional approach to everything: well, for mercy’s sake, it’s such a longing – dates, the candy-bouquet period, a wedding, children, they lived a long time and died on the same day. From longing. No, Aquarius does not agree with this! She needs to turn the relationship into something like blackjack and goodies. To say that few men are ready for this right away is to say nothing: few men are even able to realize that this, it turns out, was a relationship. And not a free session of psychological sadomasochism with elements of a hellish circus. With horses, yeah.

Pisces

Rich imagination. If you think that Pisces has problems because they are ready to wait half their lives for Prince Charming, sticking their white shoulder out the window, then you are very mistaken. It’s much worse: any swineherd sufficiently amazed by the sight of the Fish Knuckle could easily pass for a prince. If only he loved, yes. And to mold him into a prince (in his rich imagination, and not in reality, of course), Rybka can handle it completely on his own. And for a long, long time he will not pay attention to the fact that the dear prince unbearably reeks of pig shit, as well as lack of money, idleness, mediocrity, and gracelessness. No, then Rybka will see the light, of course, and understand that she was wishful thinking. But it’s not a fact that next time she will take her mistakes into account.

Aries

Impulsiveness. Aries in love, as in all other areas of life, strictly professes the principle “Why think about it, you have to jump!” And he jumps. Sometimes on an unsuspecting man who was just passing by. At the same time, fighting off the Lamb, who thirsts for great and pure love, is a dubious enterprise and is initially doomed to failure: Aries does not see, does not hear, and does not want to understand the word “no”. Well, then, when it turns out that the relationship is somehow not working out, Aries will be sincerely perplexed: why didn’t you, scoundrel, immediately say that you don’t want to?! I just wasted my time on you!

Taurus

Craving for comfort. Taurus needs to place his seat in a relationship, like in a favorite old chair, in which nothing presses or presses, where you can sit with your feet up and drink wine, dropping cheese crumbs on the upholstery. In essence, there would be nothing wrong with this if the chair did not begin to imagine itself either as an iron throne, as a wobbly stool, or as a goat proudly galloping around the hippodrome. And you can convince Taurus as much as you like that this is, in principle, a normal phenomenon, colloquially referred to as partners getting used to each other, but Taurus will be adamant: she is uncomfortable – and that’s all! And she, of course, will not tolerate inconvenience.

Gemini

Geminis are bothered by jealousy. And it’s not their jealousy, of course—it’s not the king’s business! – and the partner’s jealousy: few people are ready to immediately take an oath of eternal silence to Gemini on the topic “Who are you flirting with again, dear?” and a promise to never restrict her freedom in any way. That is, then the unfortunate – we wanted to say, the happy chosen one, excuse me – will come to terms with this and calm down, but not many are ready to immediately agree that Gemini is a cat walking on its own. But Gemini is not ready to wait: either you agree to everything, or we pass, we pass, we don’t hold up the line!

Cancer

Vulnerability. The manner of taking everything in the world personally and to heart plays a cruel joke on Cancers: from every fly that flies past, Cancer inflates an enraged, overgrown elephant, trampling the tender feelings of all participants in the love play in a matter of seconds. Moreover, the participant who is not Cancer often does not even have time to understand why: “I didn’t do anything, I just entered!” (With). You need to start a relationship with Cancer by imagining yourself as a sapper in a minefield. Or maybe Aibolit, sewing new wings on a butterfly. In general, don’t twitch and don’t breathe just in case, otherwise, Cancer will think that you’re breathing too unevenly toward her. It’s a shame, you know!

Leo

An enormously inflated ego. The lioness is either sure that this slave is unworthy of her, or has already convinced herself that this handsome man is already her property – for the simple reason that she liked him. The result is logical: quite suitable, but shy guys are thrown out of the Lioness’s path of life with a careless wave of the royal paw, and quite suitable guys who do not suffer from excessive modesty run away from it themselves – so that only their heels sparkle. No, you know, check fools – is this lady just so temperamental or a stalker with fits? On the other hand, among the crowds of bad guys, there is usually the most good guy: a brave knight without fear, without reproach, without brains. In the sense that the lover is so desperate that he is ready to become property. But, really, just wait for it.

Virgo

As they say, you need to think less and think more, but Virgos traditionally have problems with this. In the sense that they think too much and don’t think a damn thing at all – especially when it comes to love. Instead of enjoying the relationship and assessing how promising they are, Virgo begins to think both for herself and for that guy: she dissects his pathetic little soul on her vivisector’s table carefully studies it, and then concludes. Alas, most often they are wrong. In the sense that nothing human is alien to Virgo, including the manner of judging others by oneself. That is, Virgo is capable of dissecting some Scarecrow for a long, long time and looking for (and finding!) common sense and logic in his actions. Ignoring the fact that the Scarecrow had no brains, does not and never will.

Libra

Striving for harmony. Unexpected turn! So, it would seem, how can the desire to build harmonious relationships interfere with these very relationships? We answer: Libra strives for harmony with the ardor of salmon going to spawn. Will I hit a rock? Will I fall into the clutches of a bear? The poacher grabs it with his bare hands. Neglect, let’s waltz! In other words, in search of this very harmony in relationships, Libra is ready to spread out a rag on which they wipe their feet, as long as there is no conflict. Which, of course, all sorts of scoundrels take advantage of. fortunately, Libra has enough inner strength to leave such a relationship, but not enough to agree to a normal and healthy relationship, but – bad luck! – not perfectly harmonious.

Scorpio

Scorpios are hampered by distrust. But, to hell with this extra tactfulness: Scorpios are hampered by paranoia. They are sure that if they give someone the access code to their defenseless heart, that someone will certainly bite off all the valves there and shit in the aorta. The fact that Scorpios themselves have fun so regularly only convinces them more strongly than others too, just, as they say, give it to them. They are weaklings and simply don’t know how to take care of themselves, so they pretend to be sincerely in love with the most noble intentions, but Scorpio sees right through them all! It is perhaps unnecessary to say that Scorpio sees only his fears. It’s better to tell you what to do about it. So, let us tell you: we have no idea, to be honest.

Sagittarius

Sagittarians are bothered by frivolity. In general, Sagittarius starts relationships easily, but breaks them off just as easily: surprise! And the point is not that something doesn’t suit her, the point is that she’s simply tired – this is one, two – something scary: is this a serious relationship or something? Offer? Wedding, don’t bring the universe? No, no, no, I didn’t sign up for this! And the main thing here is not to scare off: the longer you pretend that you and Sagittarius are simply having a non-binding affair, the greater the chance that at least your grandchildren will attend your wedding.